Death and the rollercoaster of emotions

Today, December 17 was supposedly the 40th birthday of my brother Eddie, had he not died of cardiac arrest due to a second stroke on ​​December 29, 2018. 

Truly, it is painful to go through that feeling of loss, the sadness, the grief, all the rollercoaster of emotions that each of us--family members felt, including the people who assisted us during such critical and trying times.

Early last night, we went through that same pace again, that time, it was an attempt to save the life of my maternal uncle, Antonio Edic De Vera. Ate Vita, who is a doctor, after parking the car, immediately gave Tiyo Toots an "emergency pump" as she called for help from Barangay officials to carry Tiyo Toots inside the car and rushed him to the Philippine General Hospital (PGH). 

Credit to @EurekAlert for the photo.

So many things were happening at that moment all at the same time. At this very hour, we as a family may have slowed down a bit and discussed things, yet still, there's this part of me that is hurting. I wanted to cry to ease the feelings but no tears would fall down. 

Of course, it will not rest there, as there is a more difficult part for me to carry out--to be the bearer of the bad news to my mother Cresencia. Nanay and Tiyo Toots were close to each other as they were the third and fourth of the seven children of  Eulalio and Esperanza De Vera. The oldest Norma also deceased together with Jose, Eleonora, Juana (sixth, living in Pangasinan), and the youngest Cecelia who died five years ago. 

Therefore, this morning at about 10 in the morning I went to Nanay's house. Since last night I have been rehearsing how to deliver the news of her brother's passing. She was happy and smiling as Nanay welcomed me inside the house. She narrates that last night, she attended a mass at the National Shrine of the Our Lady of the Abandoned Church in Sta Ana, Manila with her apos (grandchildren) CJ and Kiko, especially Kiko wanted to pray for his Papa Edd's birthday. Then I asked if there were butterflies last night? She said none. Then replied, did someone die? In silence, I  was uttering prayers that Nanay would accept the news calmly because she has a heart problem. Gladly, my prayers were answered.

Almost three years ago, when we were happily welcoming the Christmas Holidays and the forthcoming new year, Edd succumbed to death. Again, we are here in this same season, another family member bid us goodbye for good. Death, whether expected or not, always comes with sadness.

My message now to all is to please don't let death come your way and make you realize that you're missing the chance, and opportunities to celebrate life to the people that matter. While you still have the chance, reach out to those you care about and value as we are not promised tomorrow. Remember, regret always comes late, so better avoid sorrow to haunt you later on in life, instead act now because you don't know what's left of you. 

​​Laundry Shop as a business

Given the chance, I would want to have an investment such as the laundry shops. Why? Because like most people, I also wash my own linens from the undies to shirts to anything I cover myself and hang on to the wall to help make the house look better.

For me, for any business to succeed there must be a need for it. Day in and out, we change clothes from head to toe especially if you are working or have children to attend to.  

Thus, for me having a laundry business is a wise decision as you not only benefit from the business economically, but you also provide people leverage to do other things. Yes, I mean that. 

Laundry shops these days offer either you do it on your own, or the shop can do the washing for you for an extra cost, of course. You see, things like this are no longer a luxury rather than a necessity for any working individual. 

Allowing the mechanical laundry to wash for you would take an average of two hours, and once you are done--all the linens are ready to be used again as you please. However, this does not go when you hand wash your clothes as you will have to fill the laundry bin, manually rinse them, and hang the clothes that at the minimum would take an average of three or four hours or even more, depending on the bulk of your laundry. 

You see the time that anyone who can afford a P60 per kilo of laundry wash and P70 per drier, may now have the option to do other chores and fulfill other duties necessary on a weekend, that's if you are doing the chores on Saturdays and Sundays.

At the same time, it is also my belief that in everything you agree to invest your time and resources, you also commit to serving. Therefore, as a service provider, one must deliver with quality, efficiency, and consideration. That way you help thepeople and the community you serve, and in return, it gives back to you thru financial reward, and most of all, you become the local government's economic partner by providing jobs necessary. 

So, that for me is a win-win approach, sadly, it is just a thought as I don't have the resources to make it happen. 

 

INESSENTIAL TRIP

I woke up a bit earlier than usual because I will be going out that Thursday morning to collect my consultancy fee somewhere in the northern part of Manila. 

Yes, you got it right. I am doing consultancy work since January 2021, after deciding not to sign up for a contract of service writing job for the Department of the Interior and Local Government (DILG) which has been my second home since March 2016. 

Because I'll be coming from home getting a Grab car was easy, in fact, it only took less than five minutes to book my ride. It was 10:30 in the morning, so I expect to be at my destination in about an hour or so. And like in my previous visits, the released of my pay envelope was short and swift, which took me roughly 15 minutes including the line at the elevator. 

Excited to go home for lunch as Honey was waiting for me, I started to book for Grab, unfortunately, the rate was too high, but I managed to get one for me although it will cost me another 10 minutes of waiting. Eventually, I lost the connection to the booked 

Grab rider. I then informed my partner about my situation, so from her end she booked another ride. After a couple of attempts from my end and to her, she succeeded. She was able to book me for a ride home with 10 minutes of waiting time again. 

As I comfortably sit in the car, I heard the Waze directing the driver in Edsa's direction, knowing that would be too far from the usual route I informed the driver that taking Edsa is not good. He replied by asking me if I know the right direction, I told him I am not from the place so I m not familiar with the turns. But I told him that from my previous rides, after taking off the exit with few turns we often end up either in Dimasalang, Lacson, or Blumentritt area. 

However, as I explained to the driver, he did not bother to slow down or to stop to check what could be our better direction instead he followed the instruction provided to him by the Waze map. But to make it more unacceptable from Edsa he made a reroute blaming the heavy traffic which to him was unbearable. 

No preventive barrier in this ride. The photo was taken by this passenger, while the car
traversed Edsa on Thursday, December 9, 2021at 12:52pm.

 

Despite the sounds he made implying that he was disgusted with our much farther and longer travel, I did not bother to make any more comment although deep inside I was fuming mad especially when we made another detour because the road is being constructed therefore it's not passable. 

Imagine me at the back of that car with low ventilation to almost none in the middle of the afternoon, and there was not even a barrier that serves as another layer of protection for a passenger like me against possible infection. I believe that it is still important and necessary that car services such as Grab should maintain and keep the standard of safety and protection that their customers deserve considering the much higher rate being charged to passengers.

Also, Grab Management must also look into the possibility of providing your drivers at least possible routes instead of allowing them to depend on Waze applications particularly during this Christmas Holidays and more and more vehicles are out in the public making traffic routes much heavier. That way, we all can avoid an INESSENTIAL TRIP that is unhealthy to our drivers, passengers, and the roads because we add to the problems due to vehicular congestion, which in essence is not only bad for the economy, and health but also for the environment.

I hope that Grab Management will look beyond the complaints and will instead provide reforms that will rectify the basics in driving especially here in Metro Manila to avoid similar incidents from happening again. 

By the way, the ride back home was booked at 12:14 pm, and I arrived at the destination at 1:57pm. 

Dispensable

Photo credit to depositphotos.com. Please check 

Life under the new normal has brought many realizations and lessons to everyone living in this period. I have family members and relatives that were afflicted by the COVID-19 pandemic which fortunately recovered. While sadly, there are some friends and acquaintances who demise as they succumbed to the disease.

Truly, the year 2020, labeled as the pandemic year of the new century has forced us to rethink and evaluate our relationships, priorities, and even our way of life. Because one thing is certain from the time the pandemic has to reach us--that we are all dispensable. Thus, we should live a life that is meaningful as we do not know when our time will be up.

Stop regretting instead pick up from where you fall and appreciate every opportunity that comes your way. Try to work on your dreams instead of complaining and counting your failures as there is someone more miserable than you are.

Every day is a gift from God, so savor every waking moment with your family, loved ones, friends, or even by just being alone to do whatever makes you happy. 

Remember, not everyone is privileged and gifted to live this far. So, smile and be happy.  

PRUNING

 

Photo credit to flickr.com

Life is not a bed of roses, so is our relationship. 

We need to constantly prune them in order to grow, whether the relationship is with our family members, friends, or special someone--all the more we need to cultivate them.

Yesterday, my partner and I celebrated our 59^th month together. Truly it was a blessing as our union is constantly challenged by misunderstandings and differences. While our fights don’t come as often as the other couples perhaps, ours arrived when one is vulnerable and too weak to hold on.

In fact, days before the heart's day, we had a serious issue that I raised as I noticed that our physical needs has become some sort of an appointment or schedule. And so I asked her if I can no longer turn her on as she always refused to use “work tomorrow” or “sleepy” as her regular excuse.

We are both 46, so I don’t believe that marital obligation that should be fulfilled in bed at night will be a problem at this age unless she is no longer in love with me. 

On February 15, we went on a staycation as a gift from our friend. Of course, I expected that her shortcomings in bed would be fulfilled that night. However, all my expectations shattered when she kissed me goodnight and turn her back on me as we lay down together in a king-size bed. To my dismay, I asked her straight in a quiet and calm voice. “Do I no longer turn you on?”, “How about my needs?”, “Do you still love me?”, and so on.

 I got no response. The questions eventually turned to tears as I monologued that I could no longer remember exactly myself. I stopped that night by calling our relationship off. All the time I was talking, she was also in tears. 

And to add insult to injury, the only thing that she managed to say to me as she doesn’t know how to explain herself. I was so disappointed and infuriated by her response. I told her it’s okay. There was no need to explain as we will be starting a new life separately after that day. I fell asleep crying that night.

 I woke up late the following day. Upon seeing me when I get off the bed, she greeted me “good morning”, handed me my pre-breakfast medicine, prepared my coffee and breakfast as she sat across me. It’s as if nothing happened the night before. Occasionally, during the day as she was working that day, she would kiss me on the lips or hug me as I passed her. And that night, she initiated the move and made love to me, said sorry, and explained her side.

 I love her so much. That while every now and then she still could not attend to my physical needs, I never insisted. It was never my personality to impose myself on her or on anyone for that matter. It is still a work in progress and I thank her for trying because this is something we have both discussed and agreed on even before we became official.

 Therefore, taking care of your relationship and protecting them against external and internal forces whether you are in your 20’s, the ’40s, or ’60s must be done with affection and love. 

We need to prune especially to people and things that matter to us in order to keep them so that they’ll give back to us in return.