PRUNING

 

Photo credit to flickr.com

Life is not a bed of roses, so is our relationship. 

We need to constantly prune them in order to grow, whether the relationship is with our family members, friends, or special someone--all the more we need to cultivate them.

Yesterday, my partner and I celebrated our 59^th month together. Truly it was a blessing as our union is constantly challenged by misunderstandings and differences. While our fights don’t come as often as the other couples perhaps, ours arrived when one is vulnerable and too weak to hold on.

In fact, days before the heart's day, we had a serious issue that I raised as I noticed that our physical needs has become some sort of an appointment or schedule. And so I asked her if I can no longer turn her on as she always refused to use “work tomorrow” or “sleepy” as her regular excuse.

We are both 46, so I don’t believe that marital obligation that should be fulfilled in bed at night will be a problem at this age unless she is no longer in love with me. 

On February 15, we went on a staycation as a gift from our friend. Of course, I expected that her shortcomings in bed would be fulfilled that night. However, all my expectations shattered when she kissed me goodnight and turn her back on me as we lay down together in a king-size bed. To my dismay, I asked her straight in a quiet and calm voice. “Do I no longer turn you on?”, “How about my needs?”, “Do you still love me?”, and so on.

 I got no response. The questions eventually turned to tears as I monologued that I could no longer remember exactly myself. I stopped that night by calling our relationship off. All the time I was talking, she was also in tears. 

And to add insult to injury, the only thing that she managed to say to me as she doesn’t know how to explain herself. I was so disappointed and infuriated by her response. I told her it’s okay. There was no need to explain as we will be starting a new life separately after that day. I fell asleep crying that night.

 I woke up late the following day. Upon seeing me when I get off the bed, she greeted me “good morning”, handed me my pre-breakfast medicine, prepared my coffee and breakfast as she sat across me. It’s as if nothing happened the night before. Occasionally, during the day as she was working that day, she would kiss me on the lips or hug me as I passed her. And that night, she initiated the move and made love to me, said sorry, and explained her side.

 I love her so much. That while every now and then she still could not attend to my physical needs, I never insisted. It was never my personality to impose myself on her or on anyone for that matter. It is still a work in progress and I thank her for trying because this is something we have both discussed and agreed on even before we became official.

 Therefore, taking care of your relationship and protecting them against external and internal forces whether you are in your 20’s, the ’40s, or ’60s must be done with affection and love. 

We need to prune especially to people and things that matter to us in order to keep them so that they’ll give back to us in return. 

Hello, September!

Hello, September. I hope you will bring with you hope and opportunity that many, if not all people were deprived of due to the health crisis that we are now experiencing globally.

 

No one sees this COVID-19 coming even the most powerful nations, and the dangers it can cause to our health and human life. I cannot help but sometimes think that it is unreasonable because this COVID pandemic has taken away so many people, friends, and relatives in a matter of days. Worse, we could not even say our last goodbye.

 

I miss the old normal. Seeing people smile while others waved back with happiness and excitement. I also miss the warm embrace and hellos from some friends that I could not meet and gather anytime soon because of the pandemic.

 

Roughly half of the year has gone now since the COVID-19 has uninvited and unwelcomingly enter our lives and ripped us all of the things we were all so used to. I myself am not happy with what is happening, but this situation is also, a good opportunity to really reflect on life, love, and our purpose, as well as the people we thought, are our friends.

 

The year may look dim and gloomy, but we can opt to look at it the other way, a chance for all of us to learn and appreciate more the gift that God has given us. I am not the Amen type, but every day that I am waking up amidst this health crisis is indeed a blessing already. One day at a time, let us start counting our blessings rather than looking at our losses for us to better appreciate what we have and who we are with.  

 

BIRTHDAY

 

Much as I want to be happy because I was given by our dear God another year of life to be wiser and kinder, I cannot help but sometimes cry and be sad.
 
My cousin who is a doctor by profession and has been among our frontline workers in the medical field in District 5 of Manila and her husband who is an ER nurse at the Philippine General Hospital, were among our health care workers infected by COVID-19 disease. Daddy Jun was the first to contract the infection from the hospital followed by her two children, our uncle, and later on Ate. 

Gladly, my two other pamangkin were spared from the disease, Ashley who is now on her first year in the College of Nursing at the Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila (PLM) and Adrian, ate's eldest son with special needs were immediately transferred from the vacant unit in the compound that Ate inherited from her late parents. It is also where Iram and I are also living. The unit was empty since late January this year after the previous tenant decided to transfer shortly after the new year.

It has been almost a week now when the result of Daddy Jun's swab test came out positive. While the rest of the family members came out on my birthday. 

It pains so much knowing a cousin who has always been there to take care of me since we were young and especially during my stroke, as well as the other people, is now in need of health attention, yet she remains to be a doctor that she has promised to be and to the rest of the family who are with her during this lockdown period.

Ate feared for this day. That even during the early onset of this health crisis her worry is for her children. And what she feared the most is now already inside her she peaceful home. Ate and her family are now battling this COVID disease.

But before ate and her family, it was my brother, Manuel who tested positive to COVID sometime last month. Sammy, as we usually call my brother, got the infection from his work in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. If it is any consolation, our much younger brother, Joseph is also working in another company in Riyadh, has been constantly checking on him, providing information that can help improve his condition. And thankfully, Manuel Jr. is now safe and COVID-19 negative.

Indeed, when we are helpless and uncertain, we can only hold on to Him and ask for miracles and prayers, And at this time that even Iram and I could get the infection, we can only surrender to God’s mercy and guidance. With the threat and chaos brought bt this global health crisis, it is our faith and relationship with God that can truly save us.