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| movingfastdivorce.com |
Once again sadness hit me, and as always it was unexpected.
I was having a cigarette outside my cousin’s house until I thought
of checking my Facebook account.
I saw a post shared by an FB friend, it says “I
WISH …” I became curious so I scrolled the page
down and read the entire post, and it goes like this “I wish …. I could hug my dad one more time.” Then a sudden pang of sadness came
over me.
I don’t know why, but sadness follows every time I remember my
father. Was it because I know I wasn’t the best daughter to him when he was
still alive? Was it regret, knowing I wasted my chance, that, instead of making
sweet memories, I opted to detach myself that we barely talked when we had the
chance?
It wasn’t easy remembering how things led to such kind of a relationship.
He had his flaws like everyone else … as a man, a husband and as a provider.
But despite his mistakes, I can’t help but to also remember how good a man he
was.
When my siblings and I were growing up, Tatay would play
with us. And while he used a stick, a belt and his hands in disciplining us, he
was also a sweet and caring father to us. I took by heart the words of wisdom
and values he entrusted to us every time we had our heart-to-heart talks.
Aside from the looks, I also got my slight artistic side and
love for sports from him. He was once an athlete, who played for the Ateneo de
Manila team in the early 70’s. He was a champion bowling, billiard and dart player
in their office annual sports tournaments when he was still working at the
Jesuit’s Xavier House office. And every time he would challenge me to a table
tennis game, I never won, not a single set.
And what I don’t like and like about food and people were
the same things he used to like and dislike.
It has been 14 years since you left us, but still it brings
sadness. I hope you have forgiven all of my mistakes and shortcomings.
I don’t deny that I may have seemed to have lost my way and
love for you, but I am gladly reminded that today and tomorrow should not be
wasted to regrets. I admit, I am struggling now trying to accept and forgive
others who have caused me pain but I am and will continue to try. I LOVE YOU TAY!