. . . WHAT WAS

In a blink . . .      

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What used to be happy and sweet suddenly sad and tasteless.

What was promised is now unfulfilled, broken.

What should be forever is now yesterday.

What used to be are all gone.

Why there can't be everyday, so there'll be no was and were but rather, is and are.

RANDOM POETRY

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An excerpt from an FB poem "if only . . ."

If only . . letters could be written to form the words . . 

If only . . words could be said to say ...

If only . . chance would permit to make it ...

If only . . liberty and democracy would shrug off insensitivity and carelessness . . 

If only . . life can be . . . 

 If only . . letters could form a name. . 

If only . . words could be enough to say ...

If only . . chance would permit to make it happen....

If only . . I could tell the world...

I will..

If only... 

ABSTRAK

Kung ang katapusan ay walang malinaw na simula

Paano ito dapat tapusin?

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Kung ang simula ay hindi alam kung saan nagmula 

Bakit nga ba kailangan magtapos?

Kung ang simula at katapusan ay walang gitna

Ano ang kabuuan?

Kung ang kabuuan ay nagkalat na tuldok lang

Mabubuo pa kaya?

Kung lahat walang malinaw na anyo, letra at konteksto

May kahihinatnan pa kaya?

Ikaw na buo na kulang sa akin

Ikaw na walang simula pero kailangang wakasan.

Ikaw na hindi man nagsimula ay tapos na agad

Ikaw na sa tuldok nagsimula ako ay nagpapaalam.

Ikaw na gusto ko man angkinin

Sadyang hindi para sa akin.

Ikaw na hatid ay ngiti, tawa at saya

Ngayon ay nagpapaluha sa akin.

Ikaw na hindi man hawak ay kailangan ng bitawan.

Ikaw na ngayon magiging alalaala na lang.

Ako na nais sana ay Ikaw

Ako na pangarap sana ay Tayo.

Ako na sana bahagi Mo.

Ako nagpapaalam na talaga sa Iyo.

LEVEL UP

Photo credit to huffingtonpost.ca

We were already part of each other's past. People I thought I needed to meet and be friends with as planned and designed by our good creator. People who perhaps were meant to be there during those times in order to complete my life journey. Then time came we needed to move to another phase of life, so that meant goodbye. And when we said goodbye it would mean forever.

But life is full of tricks and mystery and God probably is playful somehow because He again played with me. What I thought had ended, suddenly here, happening right in front of me not just reminiscing and reliving things from my past but rather adding fun and memories by allowing me, us to gather once more, this time not to say another goodbye but to elevate what we all once had - FRIENDSHIP.

Now I understand that not all goodbyes are meant to put a halt or end to something rather he wants us to prepare for better things that are bound to happen. So that when we meet those people from the past we can also see how well and good we have become in the process.

KAPIT LANG

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Nakalutang habang hawak ka.        

Nakakapit sa isa't isa masayang tinatanaw lawak ng nakikita.

Masaya dahil ngayon lang nasubukan.

Tingin ko masaya ka naman ngunit ikaw ay napatingin.

Sa ibang gawi nakita ang iba.

Marahil nga ay mas masaya doon.

Hahawakan pa ba kita?

Panay ang lingon sa ibang gawi.

Kaninang ngiti unti-unti ng napapawi.

Kailangan na marahil.

Binitawan kita upang sa iba ay kumapit.

Kung saan Ikaw ay mas liligaya.

Salamat kahit saglit ako ay napasaya.

Kapit mabuti habang kasama ay iba.

Sakaling isang araw ikaw ay malula

Ako ay narito naghihintay sa iyo.

Parito ka upang ako sa iyo’y umalalay.

Magtiwala lang hindi kita bibitawan

Basta sana sa akin lang ang kapit

Kailan man hindi magsasawa

Basta sana tayong dalawa lang nandiyan.

Lumagaya sana kahit tayo lang.

WIND

Photo credit to hdwallpapers.cat

If I am a wind I would not cease in giving you comfort.

I would blow the air every millisecond so you’ll get fresh air.

If I am a wind I would follow you in every direction

To make you cool against the heat of the sun.

When you are sad and lonely I would  blow harder

To blast your pain away.

And if I am a wind I will embrace you harder and lift your hair so

You’ll know that someone cares.

IN MEMORIAM

Photo credit to corkheritage.ie

I am no way near a cemetery, nor do I have plans of going there.     

Unlike most people who would take time out to visit the tombs of their beloved departed, I prefer to quietly remember at home.

Like most All Saints and All Souls Day, I am again at home, offering prayers and lighting candles for family members, relatives and friends who have gone way ahead of us in this lifetime.

There are people that I remember more often than the others. And having them in my thoughts always brings mixed emotions.

It pains me knowing these people whom at one time were a part of me are forever gone. Not a chance that I will see them again, hug them tightly and tell them how much they mean to me.

I am far from good in expressing my emotions be it as a daughter, a sister, a niece and even as a friend. But in my heart I love deeply.

I may not be comfortable saying or expressing my thoughts but deep down I care a lot. I love more than words can say. And now that these departed love ones are eternally gone, I can't help but remember the many happy times that we all had together.

In time hopefully I will learn, I will know and love more openly. I just hope I can do it sooner, for our journey in this lifetime is uncertain.

And as we all remember those who have gone ahead of us, let us also love and cherish more those who are still there. Those who love and, care for us. Those people who one way or another makes us laugh and smile. Remember we are all just travelers in this road called LIFE.

Let us not regret later on because we have overlooked someone thinking he or she will always be there with us. Love and care now before it's too late.

PAGTINGIN

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Nakatingin mula sa kalayuan. Sapat para makita.       

Tama lang para matanaw ng malaya.

Ngumingiti. Natatawa. Masaya mula sa distansiya.

Inaalala lahat ng pinag-usapan habang nakatingin.

Naalala mo rin kaya? May espasyo ba sa isip para sa akin?

Sana naman, pagkat ikaw sa akin ay di nawawaglit.

Ganito lang lagi. Ganito lang dapat.

Kahit paulit-ulit manatili ka lang laging natatanaw.

Sana ako naman ay maalala.

Hindi man nakikita pero maramdaman man lang sana.

Ako lang ba talaga o hindi lang gustong pagusapan?

Siguro nga hindi dapat dahil kaibigan nga lang pala.

Isang araw sasawaan din. Titigil din marahil

Dahil walang katugon. Dahil hindi naman dapat.

Dahil hindi naman tama.

Salamat kaibigan sa ngiting hatid.

Hindi mo man batid ako ay maligaya.

Hindi man masabi ako ay nagpagpapasalamat.

Pasensiya na dahil hindi ito sadya.

Hindi inaasahan. Wala sa plano 

Kusa lang nangyari.

Dahil hindi mo gugustuhin.

Dahil hindi mo na nanaisin.

Pangako mananatili lamang sayo ay nakamasid.

Hanggang sa isang araw ito ay kusang huminto.

Hanggang isang araw ito ay kusang sumuko.

Hanggang sa paningin ay kusang lumabo.

PAGKAKATAON

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Kung ang kahapon ay ngayon gugustuhin mo ba?

Kung ang ngayon ay kahapon papayag ka ba?

At kung ang bukas na darating ay pinagsamang

kahapon at ngayon handa ka ba?

Pangarap sa hinaharap sasamahan mo ba?

Minsan pinangarap at ngayon nandiyan na

Pangarap pa rin kaya o mangyayari na?.

Kailan magiging tama ang panahon para sa pangarap noon at ngayon?

Magtagpo kaya ang dati at ngayon? At ang bukas at hinaharap?

Isang araw sa tamang panahon para sa pinagsama-samang pagkakataon

Mangyari nga kaya o lilipasan lang muli ng panahon.

Pagkakataon nakatakda nga ba para ngayon o sa buhay sa ibang panahon? 

YOU of my LIFE

Photo credit to wonderopolis.org

I have been sick for some time, 

Yet I still get up every morning happy. 

Not only because I am still alive

But more because of YOU.

It has become a habit that makes me smile,

A habit that never fails to make me happy 

because of your simple “good morning”

For it brings life to my usual boring day.

But when you forget, when you are not the

Usual you and do not give me that morning delight

I feel bad and very sad.

Can the morning of each day be just you and me?

Will it be possible that you will only think of me?

Will it be alright that I will just be the one in your mind?

Will it be okay to always be by my side?

Will you care for me every day and night?

I love you, which is why I miss you every time you are not you.

Is it wrong to miss the one that I love?

I hope you are like me as I am to you

I miss you every minute of the hour because you are my LIFE.

PAINFUL LESSON

I may be right. I may be wrong.    

Photo credit to greenandcleanmom.org

But this time there will be no second chances.

If one commits a mistake, one should own up for his own mistake.

We all should learn from our own failures.

I don’t think that because one member of our family says he is miserable

We will just embrace him and will say, okay I’ll clean up your mess or

I will handle your problem, because if we do so, it will become a cycle.

That one person will not grow up and learn.

No matter how much we care about a person or love that one member of our family

We should also let them fall sometimes even if it will mean a hard fall or

It will hurt them badly, that is if you want them to become better.

But if you only want to spare them from pain simply because you don’t want them to be hurt, I guess we are not helping him or her to grow up.

Loving also means losing control over someone.

Allowing them to feel the pain and get hurt every now and then.

We will not be around forever to always spare our loved ones from the pain.

We have to also let them learn to address their own issues alone and learn from it by themselves.

I am sorry, but not this time. I will not tolerate. Not now,

Not tomorrow, not anytime soon. You have to grow up on your own.

Because every now and then I also fall, and make mistakes but I do get up alone.

I never ask anyone to help me out whether it is personal, family or work issues.

It is important for all of us to know how to decide, to know when to pursue

And when to stop, to understand, to accept and a lot more other things that are important

In this journey called life in order to survive.

A LETTER

(an excerpt from my Wattpad story Amar um Desconhecido 
[loving an unknown])


To my dear Annie,

Photo credit to sun-glazing.com

As I sleep tonight and close my eyes, I will try to forget. Tomorrow and the days to come, I will try to open my hands more and wider hopefully to loosen my grip until I can hold no more.   

Every day I will repeat the process. Yes, one day at a time until I remember no more. I know the first attempt is always the hardest. Admittedly, I failed several times. But I will patiently try again and again until such time that I can master my first try.

When I'm done, I would not want to remember anything about you. Perhaps, I'd look back one day and will think of it as part of my stupid adventure where I accidentally slip while walking on a clear pavement.

If hating would be of great help, I would gladly embrace it at this time, for it might expedite the process.

Today, I commit to myself, never again, not anymore for it is very unworthy, and such a waste.

I would instead look closer, in a more narrow direction, to what is simple, happy and beautiful. I am stupid yes, but never blind. I know, I already have it with me and will make sure that I will not lose that treasure for anyone else.

So now, I say GOODBYE.

Sincerely,

Cielo

THANK YOU

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What if tomorrow never comes for me?   

Will I still be remembered?

Will my so called friends come and pay their last visit to me?

Will the people I am close to shed a tear?

Will they mourn when I am finally gone?

Will they cherish the memories of the times we once had?

If I’m gone tomorrow,

What would be left of me other than my name?

Have I done enough in this lifetime?

Was I a good person?

Was I kind to others?

Am I worthy of a eulogy?

I honestly don’t know.

Yes, it is another life realization for me.

In general, life is also about coming and leaving.

And as some people quote it, ‘we all shall bloom like a flower and fade.’

And before we knew it, our time will be up.

Worst, we could not even say goodbye

Especially to those people we care about and love.

So, to all those I love and continue to love and once have loved,

Thank you for the laughters, for the smiles and for the love

That made my heart happy and proud.

I am saying it today in case I miss my chance someday.

We never could tell because no one knows.

While I can, while still possible, while I have the chance – THANK YOU.

HINDI SADYA

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Hindi man tukoy ang panahon        

Pabago-bago man ang init at ulan.

Hindi man batid ang hinaharap 
Ngayon ay nakakangiti na ng maluwag.

Siguro nga unti-unti ng paggaling

Sugat na gawa marahil ay naghihilom na rin.

Tiyak mag-iiwan ito ng marka 

Pero ito ay sugat na hindi sinadya.

Ilang panahon pa marahil tuluyang bubuti na

Ingat sa paglalakad upang hindi na madapa

Sakaling maulit man

Sana ay natuto na upang hindi na masaktan pa.

ISANG ARAW

Ngayon na dapat sana ay bukas pa.

Photo credit to freefoto.com

Bumalik ang mula sa kahapon.

Ang ngayon, na dapat bukas na

Muling napuno ng pagasa.

Kahapon na nasa ngayon,

ito na nga sana.

Pangarap na dati pa

Baka nga sana.

Naniwalang dala ay pagbabago

Baka sakaling maging totoo.

Madugtungan man lang, araw

Na galing sa nagdaan.

Isang araw na totoo, ang ilap naman.

Dumating man lang bago ako'y lumisan.

Araw na totoo, sana ako'y gisingin na.

Pagmulat ng mata sana ay malaya na.

Tahan na alam kong ikaw ay pagod na.

Kaunting tiis pa.

Isang araw sa susunod na panahon

Baka ito ay malapit na.

Kasarinlan sa paggising sana nga ay mahalaga

Batid namang kapalit ng kalayaan

Ito ay iyong paglisan.

Hindi mawari saang panahon ba dapat.

Akala marahil ito ay isang pigura lang

Daratnan at iiwan kung kailan kailangan.

Isang araw sa ibang panahon

Pigurang inakala bigla din maglalaho.

Sakaling wala na
Hanapin mo man lang sana.
Isang araw sa kahapon, ngayon 
at susunod na panahon.

INTERPRETASYON

Pagsasalarawan 

Isang araw sa nagdaan.

Hanggang Ngayon.

Kasama ang Bukas.

At sa hinaharap.

TAMANG PANAHON

Photo credit to commons.wikimedia.org.

Walang pasabi.                                             Walang paalam.

Pero alam na darating.

Na mangyayari.

Maraming tanong.

Hindi maintindihan.

Bakit? Talaga? Ganun lang?

Walang paalam.

Walang pakikipag-laban.

Walang sagot.

Nangangarap.

Umaasa.

Pagdating sana ng panahon.

Hindi man bukas.

Hindi rin ngayon.

Sana balang araw.

KAWALAN

Photo credit to lostoneself.deviantart.com

Hindi alam saan patungo.    

Naglalakad, tumatakbo. 

Biglang huminto. Lumingon sandali.

Sumakay sa pinagsama-samang pawid.

Naglalayag sa gitna ng tubig.

Malayo. Hindi alam saan patungo.

Tahimik na hangin, ngayon ay malamig.

Napadpad sa lugar na hindi pamilyar sa akin.

Maganda. Masaya. Puno ng buhay.

Nakita ko. Nakita mo ba?

Sana dito na lang.

Sa akin na lang.

Umaga, araw at gabi nandiyan lang.

Tumatawa, ngumingiti at minsan umaawit.

Masaya, maligaya, sana mas magtagal pa.

Habang papalapit ako, lumalayo naman sa akin.

Gumalaw. Nauntog. Nagbago. Nawala.

Yung dating maganda at masaya biglang naglaho.

Ang kaninang maliwanag ngayon ay napaka-dilim.

Walang makita. Walang marinig.

Sumisigaw subalit walang tinig.

Walang nakakarinig.

Nasaan ako. Nasaan ka. Nasan sila.

Wala na. Nag-iisa sa kawalan.

Pilit na tumatayo ngunit 
patuloy na nadadapa.   

Durog. Sugatan. Hindi makagulapay.

Buhay, oo pero hindi alam hanggang kailan.

Kung bukas darating at masisilayan sana nga.

Bagaman ito ay isa na lang pagasa - salamat.

Hanggang kailan?

Hindi din alam.

Paano na? Walang nakakaalam.

LOSING A FRIEND

Please allow me to be a little more emotional this time, as I am mourning over a death of a friend. Someone who would try to give a smile to everyone but is always holding back. Someone very few could understand ... someone like ME.

I have said a lot in my other accounts ... I just want to remember you with love and pride. So, here's to you Aries Rufo.

http://www.rappler.com/nation/106448-rappler-investigative-reporter-aries-rufo-dies

TRIVIAL

Photo credit to nph.org

I often say small things matter      

Because honestly it does.          

It makes one lonely soul smile

Even for a while.

And for a sentimental one like me

Saying hi, how are you or

checking me out means a lot.

More so, if you will say, you care.

I thought I have lost this side of me.

I’ve been concealing it all these years.

Unfortunately, I’m losing my hold.

I am losing control.

Perhaps in life those things that are natural,

Those things that you are born with,

No matter how much you try to change,

Will always go back to what it’s supposed to be.

I’ve been battling with my inner child.

The child I have once lost because I knew

I needed to grow not only for myself

But for my family.

With the lines in my forehead

and plenty of silver hairs,

I don’t know if I would let that child go out.

Though I know there’s more to life than my own happiness.

I wish to grow more, not in physique

But mentally and emotionally.

I need to be the person I have to be

Today, tomorrow and the days to come.

EMBATTLED

Again, I am combating one of the hardest battles in life, fighting thyself.

Photo credit to summitpost.org

I’ve been there before and here again.  

I thought I’ve learned from the past.

But maybe not enough,

Again, in this phase called crossroads.

I hope I will soon overcome it, for it’s not easy.

And as I am now crossing it, I need to wear a mask.

I blame no one but thyself.

So, while it hurts,

I cry in silence, alone.

Smiling yet grieving inside.

Bleeding yet cheering others.

Hurting yet comforting a friend.

Why? all because of STUPIDITY.

Struggling anew to stand up straight

Since no one knows, no one cares

I have to do it alone.

Shattered in countless pieces

Those broken parts will never be whole again.

But it can be restored in due time.

Battles do take time.

But even war has its end.

Soon it will be over, another memory to remember.

For now ... just be BRAVE!